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ADVANTAGES OF HAVING SEX
According to a new study, unhappy newly married women have sex for three to four times a month while the happy women have it 11 times a month, International Business Times reported.
After their first two years of marriage or relationship, couples must do more to maintain their initial level of intimacy and excitement, M. Gary Neuman, bestselling author, psychotherapist and lead author of the study, was quoted as saying.
According to Neuman, the lesser frequency of sex among couples is owing to common problems of daily life such as paying bills, kids getting sick and even lack of sleep.
He based his findings on a research experiment that involved 400 women who were considered happy or unhappy.
The aim was to discover the number of times a couple must make love every month to be happy.
"Emotional betrayal through a virtual affair can be even more damaging to a marriage than a physical affair," said Neuman, author of the book titled Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship.
Virtual affair "is a much harder thing to heal in a relationship because the emotions have left the marriage and gone into the hands of someone else," he said.
ON DATE::THINGS MEN WOULD LIKE WOMAN DO
But what about the guys? What do men past a certain age want to see more of on dates? Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers share what they wish more women would do before, during and after dates.
Take it away, guys.
1. "If we've never met before, make a definite first move to establish whether we’re doing a handshake or hug. Doesn’t matter which, just help ease that awkward first greeting." -- Barry Gold
3. "Don't ask why I'm divorced until at least the third date. I know you want to know about past relationships but on the first date I'm not ready." -- Elliott Katz, author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man
4. "Let me hold the door open for you." -- Chad Stone, author of The Love Magnet Rules
5. "If you are a heart surgeon waiting for an urgent text to save someone’s life, by all means, have your phone on the table. Otherwise, please put it away." -- Antonio Sacre
6. "Offer to pay. I have no problem paying for dinner but please at least give us 'the reach.' Make a move for the check a) so the guy can say, 'Please, let me get this!' and b) it proves you are at least interested enough to invest in the evening." -- Craig Tomashoff
7. "Compliment us. I work out and one of the reasons I do so -- outside of staying healthy -- is so women can see that I'm a man who takes care of himself." -- Lee Kronert, author of Mental Cruelty: A Novel for Divorced Men
REASON ON WHY HE MIGHT NOT CALL YOU
Not hearing from a guy when you desperately want to is the worst. With emotions that run from anger, humiliation, confusion, hurt, sadness, frustration and hopelessness, his not calling can have you questioning every little thing, from the jeans he saw you in to ordering too much food to asking yourself, "Was it something I said??"
But have you ever thought that maybe you didn't hear from him because of a factor that has nothing to do with you? I'm not saying it's acceptable for a guy not to call and give an explanation of why he can't/doesn't want to see you again, but the reason you never hear from him might not be personal.
Here are 11 possible reasons he decided not to reach out:
1. He got back together with an ex-girlfriend.
2. He realized he isn't ready to date right now.
3. He feels bad about himself/doesn't like himself/doesn't feel worthy of you.
4. He doesn't think you are interested.
5. He's not over his divorce or last relationship.
6. He lost your contact information. (Highly unlikely but possible).
7. He met someone else.
8. He's a player, asks for phone numbers all the time and never calls anyone.
9. The timing was bad for him, he got really busy at work or started traveling for his job.
10. He's got some baggage that is messing him up when it comes to dating and relationships.
11. He's just not into you.
In numbers 1-10 I probably sound like your girlfriend who is trying to make you feel better by justifying the no callback with every excuse under the sun. But the whole point of this article is to make you realize that if you don't hear from him, you should never take it personally -- even if it is.
A good attitude to have is, "Who cares? It wasn't meant to be and I'm glad I found out how he feels now instead of down the road with time and more feelings invested. It isn't me, it isn't him, it's just not right. When it is right, the guy WILL call me back."
Regarding 11,"He's Just Not That Into You," it is what it is. There was a whole book written and movie made about this statement, the main concepts with which I agree wholeheartedly.
Realize this. When it comes to dating, not every man is going to like you enough to call back. And you aren't going to like every man. That's completely OK. Why would you be interested in someone who isn't interested in you anyhow? You wouldn't be. So pick yourself up off the ground, roll him off of you like lint with a lint roller and move on. The guy who you thought was amazing and sexy and sweet and perfect for you -- the same guy you never heard from again -- A. isn't the only guy on earth, B. Missed out big time, C. Made you available for Mr. Right.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially" for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she's divorced.
DONT EVER SAY THIS IN YOUR FIRST DATE must read
1. "I've been going through a lot lately."
It's great to be open and transparent about your life but don't go overboard. That means no Debbie Downer discussion of your depressing job prospects or how long you've been single. Keep the conversation light, said Brenda Della Casa, the author of Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can't Find (or Keep) a Prince. This is a date, not a therapy session.
"Keep negative comments to a minimum," she said. "Misery might love company, but your company will think you're miserable to be around if you're spending a high percentage of time chatting about what's wrong in your life. We all have reasons to be unhappy, but show that you can acknowledge the bright side too."
2. "My ex is such a jerk."
It doesn't matter how blissful life has been since the divorce -- or how thrilled you are to finally be free of your ex. Negative remarks about your ex ultimately reflect poorly on you, said Damona Hoffman, a dating expert and author of Spin Your Web: How to Brand Yourself for Successful Online Dating.
"Ranting about your ex will make it seem like you're still tied to the past," she said. "Plus, your date will think that if things don’t work out, their name will be the next one raked over the coals on your future dates."
3. "Damn, you look hot."
Know this: A little bit of flirting goes a long way. Keep your compliments classy, said Della Casa.
"Highly sexed comments may seem like casual banter, but there's something to be said for maintaining a little mystery here," she said. "I've seen too many men and women ruin a good opportunity by 'going there' too soon. It sounds a bit old-school and dated, but it's a reality for many."
4. "My kids are my everything."
Past a certain age, there's nothing sexier than a man or woman who steps up to the plate and parents well (here's looking at you, Louis C.K.) But by the end of the night, your date needs to know more about you than the kids, Hoffman said.
"Good parents always protect their kids and put the children’s needs first but your date is trying to see him or herself in your life and picture you as a romantic partner," she said. "Immediately putting your kids in between the two of you doesn’t leave much room for the romance to blossom."
5. "I'm 45...just kidding, I'm 55."
On a first date, don't lie or tell half truths about your personal life, said Marcia Sirota, a Toronto-based psychiatrist and author of Women Decoded: The Secret Strategy for Relationship Success. In other words, don't say you're an empty nester if your youngest basically lives at home -- and don't claim you own a home in Vegas if it's really just a timeshare. All of that might make you sound like a catch at dinner but your date is bound to discover the truth eventually, Sirota said.
"You’re starting a new relationship with a lie and it will be almost impossible to come back from this," she said. "Your date will never be able to trust you and will always wonder what else you might be lying about."
6. "How much do you make?"
Whether you're bragging about a raise or singing the "I have student debt" blues, financial discussions are a no-no on a first date, said Della Casa.
"No one needs to know how much money you make, how much debt you have
or how you spend your money," she said. "It's also very rude to ask."
When you've met online, there's no question you can ask that's more awkward than this one, said Laurie Davis, the founder of the dating service eFlirt and author of Love At First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating.
"Reminding each other that other dating options exist forces you both to pull focus from the person sitting in front of you," she said. "The sole purpose of a date is to see if the two of you hit it off and introducing the idea of other matches into the conversation confuses that dynamic. Focus on the present."
WHAT SHOULD MUCH CONSIDER IN FIRST DATE
Why are so many divorced women and men so down on first dates? Well, we've all experienced dates that were disappointing and maybe even agonizing. We've gotten all primped up to look our best, only to sit on the other side of a table from a complete slob. Single women, in particular, have had their hopes dashed by an eligible single man who looked great on match.com but couldn't carry on a decent conversation if his life depended on it.
So what's the answer? I'll tell you what NOT to do: don't give up on dating altogether just because you've had your share of crummy first dates.
If you want to have better dates, start by doing a better job of screening your potential first dates. If a person's online dating profile or early phone calls reveal any red flags (including no job, no sense of humor, heavy relationship baggage, etc.), maybe you should respectfully decline a first date with that person. If you're already having doubts, maybe your intuition is trying to tell you something.
Once a potential new date has passed your initial screening process, there are ways to increase your odds of having a great first date. One of the easiest ways to start a great first date is this: be the first to arrive. If you're the first one there, you give yourself a chance to get comfortable in the surroundings. Psychologically, you now "own" the space, and your date will be visiting you on your own turf. That means you will naturally be more comfortable and less anxious.
While you're waiting for your date to arrive, check your phone for messages and see if anything interesting is happening on Facebook. Do some normal things so you're not even thinking about the date. Then, when your date arrives, turn your phone off and put it away. During the date, your focus needs to be completely on this new person who might become your next lover. Give him (or her) a chance to impress you. Try to connect with them. It's the least you can do.
Once you've greeted your date with a smile and perhaps a hug, take a deep breath and relax. More first dates are ruined by nerves than anything else. If you're not enjoying yourself, neither is he. And if he isn't having a good time, you will never hear from him again.
Now it's time for you to be charming. Back when I was single and looking for a relationship, I discovered what I call The Talk Show Principle. I realized that if I pretended I was on a talk show, my first and second dates went way better than if I was in my normal, "hanging out" mode. If you watch Jimmy Fallon or Steven Colbert, you'll notice that the guests tell stories. "Here's what happened to me the other day at the bagel shop" or "You won't believe what my coworker did in a meeting yesterday." A lighthearted story brings out the humanness in us all, and it's something everyone can relate to.
Remember to cut your date a little slack. Some people (maybe even you) aren't instantly comfortable and charming when meeting someone new. If there's any kind of spark at all, give it a chance to grow brighter. Also remember that most people don't fall in love on a first date. Magic happens, but sometimes you've got to give it a chance to work its, well ..., magic.
The most important thing of all during a first date is this: have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun, you're not doing it right. And seriously, if dating isn't fun for you, it's probably time to take a little break from it. Hang out with your friends. Go see a few movies. Come back to dating after you believe that every first date could be your last first date.
Chad Stone is the author of The Love Magnet Rules: 101 Tips for Meeting, Dating and Keeping a New Love. He blogs at www.ChadStone.us.
WHY LADY GAGA WANTED TO GIVE UP ON MUSIC ((watch video))
Fame is a monster, according to Lady Gaga.
In an insightful clip from her recent talk at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, the "Applause" singer turned "American Horror Story" actress discussed the drawbacks of being a public figure. Gaga said she considered quitting music a couple years ago because of the over-commoditization of celebrities. She was tired of promoting fragrances, taking "shallow" selfies and being treated as a "money-making machine" for other people. So, instead, she says she learned to say no -- and that is what allowed her to sleep better at night.
"This is the age we
live in, Gaga said, referring to people's insatiable desire to be
liked. We aren’t actually communicating with each other. We are
unconsciously communicating lies."
Watch the clip below to see all of Gaga's trenchant reflections.
D BANJ AND DON JAZZY WILL NEVER WORK TOGETHER AND NO COLLABO
We can’t wait to hear “It’s Don Jazzy again” from the Kokomaster.
With recent murmurings from both camps
signalling an imminent comeback, including a reassurance from Don Jazzy
during a press conference, we look at five reasons why our raised hopes might just be dashed sooner than later.
1. Strained relationship
No matter how we look at it, there is
serious bad blood between these two even if they won’t admit it in
public. We can still recall at Tuface’s 40th anniversary celebration in
September when the legendary singer pleaded for at least a song from the
duo. D’banj appeared enthusiastic at the idea but Don Jazzy turned his
back on the stage, shaking his head. Although that gesture may have been
countered by his recent claim of wanting to work with D’banj but being
impeded by their schedules, we still doubt that anything will come of
it.
2. Ego
D’banj has been rumoured to posses a huge ego,
which in the past prevented collaborations with other artists. It was
also reported back in 2012 that their split was based on dispute over
who owned and controlled what at their then record label Mo’Hits, with
D’banj claiming the lion’s share. Despite the passage of time and maybe
some maturity on each part, there is the possibility of more clashes in
any future partnership
3. Mavin Records’ Growth
Mavin Records is arguably the biggest label in
Nigeria currently and Don Jazzy will not watch his efforts on the label
dwindle at the expense of making D’Banj Africa’s greatest again. He will
prefer a superstar Reekado Banks than a mega star D’Banj.
4. Compatibility
Out of sight is out of mind: we can’t expect the
same kind of chemistry they shared during their first stint together to
still be there. Four years is a long time apart and it will definitely
affect the output of their work. How will “It’s Don Jazzy again sound” on D’Banj’s lips now?
5. Business Disagreement
It might be a rumour but rumours often
have elements of truth. Money and revenue sharing was part of what
caused D’Banj’s and Don Jazzy’s split in 2011 and both parties will be
cautious going forward or they may want to avoid such disagreements
entirely.
What do you think? Drop your comments
CHECK OUT HOW AMAZING MODEL IN HONG KONG PASSES NAKED TO THE STREET
HOW BAD BEHAVIORS AFFECTS LOVE
Both of my parents were selfless, self-sacrificing, and devoted to making each other happy. But no matter how much they gave of themselves, no matter how hard they tried to please each other, neither of them was happy. So,
No matter how much another person loves you, if you don’t love and care for yourself, you will not be happy. If you ignore your own feelings, or judge yourself harshly, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid experiencing and dealing with pain or discomfort, you are abandoning yourself. The hard truth is that self-abandonment will always make you unhappy, no matter how many people love you.
When you reject yourself by avoiding responsibility for your feelings, even if you don’t realize it, you start expecting your partner to give you what you are not giving to yourself. The more you abandon yourself, the more you try to manipulate your partner into giving you the love that you are not giving to yourself.
The more you try to control your partner with anger, blame, withdrawal, compliance or resistance the more your partner also tries to control you. Love vanishes in the face of all this controlling behavior.
This is what I saw happening with my parents and what I continue to see in the relationships of the many couples I work with as a counselor.
The more you abandon yourself, the emptier you feel within. You don't have love to share with your partner because you feel empty inside. Instead of being able to share your love with your partner, you are trying to get love to fill the vacuum.
If you want to change this pattern, it’s crucial that you internalize and act on the belief that self-love is not selfish. Abandoning yourself and expecting others to sacrifice their needs in order to replenish you, regardless of the consequences, is selfish.
Loving yourself is about learning to value who you really are your true soul self, your beautiful inner child and treating these parts of you with the same caring and respect with which you would treat an actual child.
NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS THAT AFFECT SEX LIFE IN RELATIONSHIP
Here are some reasons that your sex life may be lacking…
1. You try and control each other with anger and blame.
What do you do when you feel hurt, scared, rejected or when you don't get your way? Do you get angry and blame your partner for your feelings? Do you try to control your partner to get him or her to change? Sexuality flourishes when partners feel loved and supported. Blame is not the answer to avoid conflict and it certainly does not make your partner feel loved.
2. You give yourself up to avoid conflict.
If your partner gets angry and blames you for something, do you give up on communicating and go along with what your partner wants just to avoid the conflict? How do you feel inside when you give yourself up? I have found that when we give ourselves up, we eventually tend to feel resentful and perhaps even numb inside. When we don't take care of ourselves and our needs during conflict, we are not making space for passion and desire.
3. You try to get control by resisting.
If your partner tries to control you, do you withdraw your love in order not to be controlled? Do you go into resistance-mode to punish your partner, by not giving him or her anything he or she wants – including sex? Making this a pattern will not help your sex life going forward.
4. You're needy.
All that said, using sex as a form of validation can quickly squash passion. If your partner comes to you like a needy child in search of validation, how do you feel? Most likely, you'll feel pulled into the dynamic of neediness, obligated to make sure that your partner feels okay. Then, your partner will most likely feel the same way if you come to him or her in a state of neediness. There is nothing erotic about neediness.
5. You engage in power struggles.
All of these unproductive and unhealthy patterns lead to underlying power struggles, which also squash passion. While some people seem to get sexually excited by fights, many are turned off by them. Power struggles occur when partners try to control each other and resist being controlled in the ways described above.
6. You don't prioritize emotional intimacy.
For many people, emotional intimacy and connection are essential for them to feel turned on. When you are both trying to control each other and not be controlled, and when you are fighting or are distant and disconnected, there is no emotional intimacy.
The connection you felt at the beginning of your relationship cannot survive when your intent is to control, to protect, to avoid, rather than to learn about loving yourself and sharing your love with each other.
7. You don't spend enough time together.
Since good sex generally requires emotional connection, this cannot happen if you both get too busy to connect. When people begin dating, they set time aside to be together. But once couples settle into a routine either by living together or getting married they often forget about scheduling intentional time to spend together.
While some people might be able to work all day, take care of kids, watch TV and then get into bed and feel like making love, many people can't do that. They are either too tired or feel too emotionally distant to get turned on. So take out your calendars and make some plans to spend time with your partner! A date goes a long way…
8. You have different libidos.
Some people have a high sex drive and others don't – often due to the amount of testosterone in their bodies. Men often have a higher sex drive than women, but I've worked with many women who have a higher sex drive then their man, or than their same-sex partner.
When partners are open and caring about themselves and each other, they can find a loving way to manage this, but if their intent is to control each other in the unhealthy dynamics I describe above, then it can create many problems for them.
All of these issues can be healed when love has a higher priority than control. When you learn to love yourself and share your love with your partner, then you will find a loving way of being together. This is what creates and maintains a passionate sex life throughout your relationship.
OMG POLICE MAN LIVE HAVING SEX PUBLIC VIDEO
NEW AMAZING SEX POSITION SHOULD LEARN
1. FLATIRON
Jinsi Ya Kujipanga
Mwanamke alale kitandani uso
ukiangalia chini makalio yaangalie juu, asisahau kubinua nyonga/makalio
juu kidogo(kama mvivu kidogo aweke mto(pillow) chini ya
kinena),kujibinua kwake kutaongeza raha na utamu zaidi
Faida Za Hii Style
Mwanamke anapata nafasi ya kuenjoy
Raha na Utamu akiwa amerelax,na kwakuwa miili inakuwa imebanana
sana,mashine ya mwanaume itaonekana kubwa kidogo
Maujanja Ya Ziada
Mwanaume awe anapump taratibu kwa juu sio lazima sana aingie deep,akumbuke kuhema vizuri asije akachoka haraka
FLATIRON How?
You lie face down on the bed, legs straight, hips slightly raised.
Benefit
This position creates a snug fit. Your guy’s stuff will seem even larger.
Bonus
Some shallow thrusts and deep breathing will help hi
2.G-WHIZ
Jinsi Ya Kujipanga.
Mwanamke alale chali(uso,matiti na
kila kitu viangalie juu),kisha Mwanaume apige magoti mbele yake,baada ya
hapo,mwanamke aweke miguu yake kwenye mabega ya mwanaume(kama
inavyoonekana kwenye picha),unaweza kuweka mto(pillow) chini ya makalio
ya mwanamke awe more comfortable and relaxed.
Faida za Hii Style
Mwanamke akiweka miguu juu ya mabega
ya mwanaume wakati wa kupeana Raha na Utamu,kuna faida mbili mtaenjoy,ya
Kwanza, mashine ya mwanamme na uke wa mwanamke zote zinakuwa katika
level sawa,hii inasaidia mashine ya mwanaume kuisugua vizuri G-spot,na
Pili Uke wa mwanamke unajibana kidogo,ikijibana inaongezeka kuwa
tight,na kufanya starehe ya tendo kuzidi
Maujanja Zaidi.
Mwanaume inabidi ashikilie makalio ya mwanamke,akipump kuelekea juu ili aweze kuilenga vizuri G-spot
G-Whiz
How?
You lie back with your legs resting on each of his shoulders.
Benefit.
When you raise your legs, it narrows the vagina and helps target your G-spot.
Bonus
Ask him to start rocking you in a
side-to-side or up-and-down motion. That should bring his penis into
direct contact with your G-spot.
m last longer.
Jinsi Ya Kujipanga.
Mwanaume akae juu ya kiti au pembeni
ya kitanda(kama inavyoonekana hapo kwenye picha juu),mwanamke aje akae
juu yake(kama inavyoonyesha kwenye picha hapo juu).
Faida Za Hii Style
Mwanamke anakuwa ana uwezo wa
kucontrol kila kitu, spidi itakayotumika na mashine iingie ndani ya uke
kiasi gani na pia ni style nzuri kwa wale ambao wanapenda kupeana Raha
na Utamu kwa Spidi kubwa, mwanamke hawezi kuchoka haraka kwa kuwa
anapata balance na support ya kutosha.
Maujanja Zaidi.
haina ulazima wala haja ya kuongea
sana,vidole na mikono yako ndo vinatakiwa viwe busy kutomasa,kupapasa na
kushikashika sehemu zote zitakazoongeza Raha na Utamu katika tendo.
FACE-OFF
How ?.
He sits on a chair or the edge of the bed; you face him, seated on his lap.
Benefit
You’re in control of the angle and depth of the entry and thrust. Being seated provides support, so it’s great for marathon sex.
Bonus
Let your fingers (and hands) to the
talking. Once seated, you can put your hands anywhere on your body or
his to make things more interesting.
NIGERIAN STAR WIZKID LOST HIS STUDIO
“Woke up mad and tired! My Mac crashed on me and I lost everything! Guess who also lost his back up files? Me!” Wizkid wrote on Instagram.This loss comes at a crucial time, as the father of on is due to release a new song titled ‘Baba Nla’. According to the singer, this huge loss will not affect the unveiling.
“Tryna get my files back but Baba nla still drops today!!!#TeamWizkid they can’t stop us! We move!” He further wrote.The former EME star was expected to drop his third studio album in September but postponed it saying he had been inspired by his experience at 2Face Idibia’s 40th birthday celebration to do more.
The album is one of the most anticipated of the year as many top international artiste are expected to feature on it.
TALENTED BOY OF 3 YRS DJ IN SOUTH AFRICA ( VIDEO)
After the live finale on Sunday, the toddler was more captivated by the glitter on the floor than the accolades or the title. While there's no denying that Arch Jnr is a talented boy, DJ Euphonik has cautioned fans not to equate his ability with the idea that being a DJ is easy.
"For what it is, there's a great story behind it and only time will tell [where he goes]. It's amazing that a three-year-old can do that, the fact that he is able to capture a crowd probably makes him a better DJ than most," Euphonik said.
Even with major sponsors like Mini, Beats by Dre and Guess backing the Alexandra-born DJ, his parents Glen and Refilwe are determined to raise him as a "humble" superstar.
It was his father, a gymnastics coach and DJ enthusiast, who first introduced his son to a DJ App on his iPad. According to Hlongwane his son's photographic memory and flair for performing made him a natural. He said: "For us it was just AJ having fun, I didn't know I was raising a superstar. For now we want to keep it that way. I'm not signing my child to anything, it's a fun hobby that I will help him nurture."
To appease critics and allow DJ Arch Jnr to have some kind of normal childhood, his parents have limited the number of gigs he performs at.
"I'm trying to do the right thing for my child. I want to give him a fighting chance, jobs are scarce and he has to have a plan B. People ask me whether AJ will go to school, yes that's not even a question," Hlongwane said.
But before you invest in a DJ App in the hope of becoming the next Black Coffee, there is more to the art than mash-ups.
DJ Euphonik said: "There was a time when you could get away with just playing other people's songs and survive as a DJ, but not any more."
DJ Arch Jnr's playlist:
'Happy Days' - Stephanie Cooke
'Joy' - Black Motion
'No Contest' - Culoe de Song
'Wena' - Heavy K
'Wajelwa' - Prince Kaybee
'Uvalo' - St Nicolas, featuring Mthuthu
'Koze Kuse' - DJ Merlon, featuring Mondli Ngcobo
NO MORE LOVE; 3;SIGNS TO PROVE ITS OVER
One of the best examples of this change can be found in our relationships. Relationships have seasons: happiness, sadness, joy, and pain. As a spiritual adviser, I see so many people suffering in relationships — couples dealing with losing their spark, fighting, sex issues. The list seems never to end. And in many ways, pain in relationships is inevitable.
What do I mean by that? Well, whenever we enter into an intimate relationship, we invest time, energy, emotions, and a lot more. So when things start to get hard, things will feel painful. Our minds tend to start holding onto judgments, assumptions and other stories.
But the secret to a successful relationship is not always in holding on, even if, as I said, pain is inevitable. Sometimes it’s the power of letting go that makes it successful. And by "letting go," I don’t always mean breaking up, getting divorced, or walking away from a relationship. Letting go here refers to resolving your problems from their roots, being open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner. And after you do that, you may both realize that you’ve changed as people, and it’s time to release each other from your bond.
Here are three signs it may be time to start re-evaluating your relationship. Sure, these warnings may always be present in your relationship to some degree, and in many situations, they mark a very temporary phase. However, when these symptoms start to overwhelm you or become impossible to ignore, it’s time to start really thinking critically about your relationship ...
1. Anger becomes a frequent emotion.
In the beginning of your relationship, there is passion, romance, laughter, and friendship. Yet at some point, anger, frustration, disappointment (or any variation thereof) makes its silent entry into the dynamic. And often, we don’t really know when that shift happens: when the "honeymoon phase" comes to a close and real life starts to settle in.
In most cases, the shift is so gradual that it kind of leaves us dumbfounded when we start to think about why and when it happened. It can feel as if all of a sudden, there are more arguments and resentments in our relationship than there are hugs and laughter. If this is the case, anger is a symptom of a bigger problem. Treat it from its roots. Talk about the reality of the situation with your partner. If you can withstand the discomfort of the conversation and support each other through the mutual difficulty, then the anger may not be as much of a problem as you thought. In any case, treat anger from its roots, because suppressing it will only make it worse.
2. You no longer feel valued.
You are a unique person. If someone wants you in their life, they will create the space for you. You shouldn't have to fight for it, rationalize why you matter or why you are worth someone else's time, flaws and all. In fact, your partner must understand and appreciate you beyond your flaws. You are not your mistakes. You have evolved with time, so the relationship has to evolve too. Valuing your loved one unconditionally is a great booster of self-esteem and respect. Feeling valued in a relationship is a nonnegotiable, plain and simple. You need to be able to feel authentic, and honored for your authenticity, by the person that you love.
3. Sex becomes nothing but a way to cure boredom.
Sex can happen without love, and love can happily survive without sex, too. In this sense, you shouldn’t glorify the importance of sex in a relationship (even though many of us tend to do this, and often end up sabotaging our sex lives by worrying so much!).
But there are moments when sex is the best way to express love. However, there are also moments when sex becomes a tool to cure the boredom or other problems in relationships. Boredom, resentment, guilt and other unpleasant sensations don’t happen in relationships because you stopped having sex. Hence, these issues won't be resolved if you start having it. You have to dig deeper and decode the cause of boredom in your relationship. Once you find it,
Any of these signs are worth discussing with your partner, and that exercise may be a way to assess the health of your relationship. Above all, trust your intuition, because you are more than your feelings of suffering, and you can (and will) rise above it.
BENEFITS OF USING SEX TOYS WOMAN MUST READ THIS
The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her bod
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her bod
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her bod
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her bod
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
efits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-wome
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-wome
a.k.a. Spoon and Fork Combo, Scissoring
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a spoon-and-fork utensil. She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Now try this: If she’s limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.
Hot Tip — Hers
From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you’re inside her.
a.k.a. Bottom’s Up
Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.
This is challenging: She lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lifts her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. She then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.
Hot Tip — His
Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a spoon-and-fork utensil. She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Now try this: If she’s limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.
Hot Tip — Hers
From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you’re inside her.
Snow Angel
a.k.a. Bottom’s Up
Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.
This is challenging: She lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lifts her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. She then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.
Hot Tip — His
Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
a.k.a. Spoon and Fork Combo, Scissoring
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a spoon-and-fork utensil. She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Now try this: If she’s limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.
Hot Tip — Hers
From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you’re inside her.
a.k.a. Bottom’s Up
Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.
This is challenging: She lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lifts her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. She then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.
Hot Tip — His
Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
The summer I turned 19, my three best friends and I went shopping together — for vibrators. We marched into Good Vibrations, a giggling mismatch (two of us virgins, two of us considering ourselves quite experienced lovers), and inched around the store in a titillated knot, unable to separate from one another. After ten minutes of deliberation, we bought matching wand-like vibrators that came in the same color as the newly-minted Apple desktops our parents had bought us for school. There is something comforting in familiarity, after a
Benefits: Offers a natural bridge to more creative positions.
She lies on her back, and raises her right leg so you can position yourself between her legs at a 90-degree angle and enter. Her legs will form the tines of a spork, a spoon-and-fork utensil. She can do this with you facing her or facing her back.
Now try this: If she’s limber, lift her left leg up to increase the depth of penetration.
Hot Tip — Hers
From the Spork position, have her lift her top leg and support it by resting it on your shoulder. From here, she can easily stimulate her clitoris using her fingers while you’re inside her.
Snow Angel
a.k.a. Bottom’s Up
Benefits: She gets a prime view of your derriere.
This is challenging: She lies on her back while you straddle her facing away. She lifts her legs and wraps them around your back to elevate her pelvis so you can enter. She then grabs your butt to help you slide up and back. She can add a little massage action to her grip also.
Hot Tip — His
Spin around into missionary style to face her while trying to stay inserted. Then switch positions, this time with her on top and facing away.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
The summer I turned 19, my three best friends and I went shopping together — for vibrators. We marched into Good Vibrations, a giggling mismatch (two of us virgins, two of us considering ourselves quite experienced lovers), and inched around the store in a titillated knot, unable to separate from one another. After ten minutes of deliberation, we bought matching wand-like vibrators that came in the same color as the newly-minted Apple desktops our parents had bought us for school. There is something comforting in familiarity, after a
- The summer I turned 19, my three best friends and I went shopping together — for vibrators. We marched into Good Vibrations, a giggling mismatch (two of us virgins, two of us considering ourselves quite experienced lovers), and inched around the store in a titillated knot, unable to separate from one another. After ten minutes of deliberation, we bought matching wand-like vibrators that came in the same color as the newly-minted Apple desktops our parents had bouThe summer I turned 19, my three best friends and I went shopping together — for vibrators. We marched into Good Vibrations, a giggling mismatch (two of us virgins, two of us considering ourselves quite experienced lovers), and inched around the store in a titillated knot, unable to separate from one another. After ten minutes of deliberation, we bought matching wand-like vibrators that came in the same color as the newly-minted Apple desktops our parents had bought us for school. There is something comforting in familiarity, after all.ght us for school. There iThe summer I turned 19, my three best friends and I went shopping together — for vibrators. We marched into Good Vibrations, a giggling mismatch (two of us virgins, two of us considering ourselves quite experienced lovers), and inched around the store in a titillated knot, unable to separate from one another. After ten minutes of deliberation, we bought matching wand-like vibrators that came in the same color as the newly-minted Apple desktops our parents had bought us for school. There is something comforting in familiarity, after all.s something comforting in familiarity, after all.
- I rolled mine in a sock and stuffed it in a drawer. I only took it
out to stare at it on occasion, when I was alone. I never even used it.
As proud as we’d been the day we acquired those magic wands — Here we are, taking charge of our sexuality and pleasure! — We never spoke of that trip again. It wasn't until I started working for O'actually, a company aimed to disrupt conventional thinking about female pleasure, that I asked myself why.
Even in my line of work, sex toys are often discussed in whispered tones, with a subtext of embarrassment. Many women are afraid to admit they use one. Very few of those women would ever even consider admitting they enjoyed it.
The Sex Toy Stigma
Though male masturbation is common enough to have a whole slew of slang terms associated with it, female masturbation is rarely discussed, let alone anointed with slang. Along the same lines, sex toys for women, are even more taboo. We're taught from a young age that it’s dirty and wrong to use sex toys.
Even without the cultural stigma, there's the issue of how a partner will respond. Many men take the suggestion or even the mention of a sex toy as an indictment on their virility, and respond defensively. (Not the right move, guys.) But there are more reasons than I can count that women (and their partners) should be embracing sex toys as tools. Here are just a few of the ways they can help you have a better sex life.
1. They improve communication.
Not only can sex toys can be a really fun addition to already-great sex, but they actually help couples deal with the number one problem most face: communication. Due in large part to the destructive stigma surrounding sex in general, communicating about what we want and need in that area can be really difficult. Bringing a sex toy into bed is a fun way to practice this skill. If you want to find a mutually arousing way to use it, you'll have to communicate, right?
2. They're good for both physical and emotional health.
The vibrator was actually invented as a medical tool. It was a therapy used to stave off female “hysteria" — a term doctors applied to depression, anxiety, or, you know, emotions in general. Before the vibrator, doctors actually had to provide clitoral stimulation by hand. Eventually, one of 'em got pretty tired and invented the first vibrator. The mental, emotional, and physical benefits of masturbating haven't changed at all.
3. They make awesome sex better.
Most people are under the (false) assumption that if you’re using a sex toy, it means your sex life sucks. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. One recent study actually found that women who use sex toys report higher than average sexual satisfaction and ability to orgasm. According to the Kinsey Institute, women who use vibrators also have higher levels of desire and lubrication.
4. They empower you to discover and master your own pleasure.
Unless you know exactly what you love in bed, getting off can be more challenging than making a perfect cappuccino. For women, a sex toy is an awesome means to discover exactly what it takes to have a mind-blowing, toe-curling, finger-clenching orgasm. And that’s the sort of information you can take to your partner, so they can get you there next time.
Update: I don’t keep my vibrator in a sock anymore.
a.k.a. The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
a.k.a. The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
a.k.a. The Pillow Driver
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
Benefits: A little bit of variety if missionary begins to feel stale; good upper body exercise.
Place a pillow under the small of her back or her buttocks to tilt her pelvis and change the angle of your penetration for different sensations. Bracing yourself with your hands on the bed as in a pushup position, you take your weight off her body.
Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Men's Health misses out on traffic, and our writers don't get paid for their work. Email tellMH@media24.com to buy additional rights.
Article link - http://www.mh.co.za/sex-women/pleasure/
